You may have already seen or listened to this episode of The Last Symptom podcast (S5 Ep 2), but I wanted to share the outline with you that I worked from. Some of you mind find value in it.
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Happy Thursday!
All right, which one of you have been talking about me? (Spike in downloads yesterday.)
-Backpacking trip, rained every day. Dangerous shortcut
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Have you noticed that unhealthy families are governed by unwritten rules that discourage and punish people who show any individuality? Why? (From our Last Symptom group on Locals.)
Unhealthy people don’t view other people as people - that is to say, as individuals. It can be difficult to properly convey the subtle nature of this truth.
When healthy people look out at other people, what they see is another Being that is completely unique and separate from themselves.
This is what being an individual is: It is existing as a completely unique Being unto yourself.
What this naturally includes - there is no other possibility - is that as an individual, you will have your own unique, distinct preferences, ideals, feelings about things, likes and dislikes, interests, opinions and so forth.
Since healthy people truly view other people as people - as individuals - in their minds, they naturally just include this understanding and accept it: “There is another Being that is completely unique, separate, and distinct from any other Beings. I wonder what makes that Being unique? What are his or her particular opinions, likes, dislikes, interests, and so forth that define that person as a completely unique, standalone being?”
To view a person as an individual naturally and inherently involves accepting the differences that make that person an individual.
Unhealthy people don’t view people as people - as individuals. Therefore they aren’t naturally inclined to accept the things that being an individual inherently includes.
Unhealthy people instead unconsciously view themselves as sort of the only 'real' person in a movie where all of the other ‘people’ are just supporting characters. In a video game, all other people would be NPCs (Non-Person Characters). That is to say, not real people, just computer-generated fakes to populate the world for the 'real' player.
Unhealthy people then view other people as only Suppliers or Deniers of their own needs and wants. “You’re either cooperating with my life or you’re getting in the way.”
Let’s put it this way…
How would you feel if your left hand suddenly started doing whatever it wanted, independent of your wishes?
You wouldn’t like it, it would frustrate you terribly, and you would fight to regain control over it.
Do you understand that unhealthy people don’t view you as a separate, unique, standalone person. They view you as an extension of themselves. They are the only real person in the entire world, so only their opinions, feelings and so forth matter. Even when they are going through the motions of doing something “nice for others”, they are not really doing it for others, as if they are able to perceive other people as people in certain circumstances. No, when I say they don’t view people as people, I mean this is the absolute truth, always.
When they do something nice for others, they’re not doing it for others. They’re doing it for themselves.
For example, let’s say my dad buys me a new fishing pole as a kid. While this may appear to be a completely selfless thing he’s doing for me, it’s not. He’s not doing it for me. He’s doing it because of how it makes him feel about HIMSELF. Remember, the only reason I exist at all is to serve as a sort of player in his world - for what I add or don’t add to his world. So him buying me a fishing pole is something he’s doing for himself - going through the motions of what he believes would appeal to an imaginary audience and bring him external value (in the form of what other people think).
We are all just extensions of them, you see. So when you have a different opinion or preference than they do, this is like their own left hand rebelling and doing whatever it wants, independent of them. That is why it is maddening, and they fight to control it in order to bring their world back into its proper behavior.
This is why I say unhealthy people only view everything in the world as Suppliers or Deniers of their own wants and needs. Anything is either cooperating with their wants and needs, or it is interfering with their wants and needs. Cooperation = good, interference = bad. There is no such thing, or room, in this formula for individuality.
Dramatic, real-life examples that are natural results of not viewing people as people (viewing people as NPCs, or as only supporting characters to your story):
-Killing a wife who divorces you
-Jeffrey Dahmer
-Rapists
-thieves
-kidnappers
-child abuse
-stabbing a total stranger on a New York City street in broad daylight
-shooting a schoolroom full of children